J U L Y feels even bigger than June. Every moment enormous: like it have the potential to make-or-break it all.
July is egg retrieval month. JULY 1: Check-in. Our follicles are still in the single-digits but we're told that's normal. We changed our protocol slightly (a little more Gonal F) and hopefully that makes the impact we need. JULY 3: We met Dr. Zimon and our follicles FINALLY hit the double-digits! Onwards and upwards, baby follicles. JULY 5: More double-digits! Everything finally feels serious. And good. Added Ganirelix to my protocol. Lots of pokes. Lots of hope. JULY 7: Progress. Sometimes it feels slow. But it's there. Starting to run out of surface area. JULY 9: Today we drew circles--looking ahead to the next thing. Going back in tomorrow. This is Cycle Day 14 but we are extending slightly to give our follicles a little more time. Turns out, I'm a grower-not-a-show-er. JULY 10: Today was a big day. Lots of 20+ follicles! And an egg retrieval date--JULY 12! Tonight, we did our HCG trigger shot and tomorrow we will finish our trigger. JULY 11: Woke up super sick. Spent the morning vomiting and trying to get my wits about me. Tomorrow is the day! So hard to believe. JULY 12: Egg retrieval day! 19 eggs retrieved. And Carrie's IVF baby was born! A good omen! JULY 13: We got the news that 12 eggs matured and 7 eggs were fertilized. Fingers crossed for a week from now! May the odds be ever in our favor! JULY 17: This wait is disastrous. It's been a rough few days of healing and continued shots. My body feels so foreign and my heart just isn't it in. JULY 26: We got the call! ALL THREE em-babies came back healthy! We can move ahead to a transfer! JULY 28: Picked out a candle called Lost Spirits. It was just poured and needs at least a two-week-wait to be ready. I mean, have you ever heard anything more poetic!?
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El Malei Rekhemim – God Full of Wombs.
Shekhinah Makor Hayyim – Divine Presence, Source of Life. I come before You as did my ancestresses: Sarah, who laughed bitterly and said, “Ha’af umnam eyeleid – Shall I, in truth, bear a child?” Rivka, who cried out in pain, “Lamah zeh anokhi – why do I even exist?” Rachel, “Haveh li banim v’im metah anokhi – give me children or I shall die!” Hannah, who prayed fervently in her heart, the tears flowing from her eyes, “Im ra’oh tire’eh be’ani amatekha, u’zekhartani – Adonai Tzeva’ot, God of Hosts, if You will look upon the suffering of your handmaid, if you will remember me, and grant me a son, I will dedicate him to you all the days of his life!” Please, hear me now. Please hear us now. I want so deeply to hold a child in my arms. You who made the miraculous openings and closings of the body, who, in Your wisdom, shaped human beings just so, please tend now to my body and help me to bring forth new life, in your image, after your likeness. You who created all life, be a partner to me, in bringing a new life into this world. I know that this journey is one that can be long, one that I may never see fulfilled in the way that I have always imagined. But I ask You to be with me along this journey, to spread over me the comfort of Your wings, the shelter of Your peace and protection. Help me and Jordan to face whatever comes our way with strength, compassion and wholeness. May we be able to meet each step on this journey with courage and hope. Berukhah at Shekhinah, rofah kol basar, u’mafliah la’asot. Blessed are You, Divine Presence, Healer of All Flesh and Maker of Miracles. |
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