My Sweet Boy, We have been together for 200 days, now, in this tender, holy growing season where I can't help but keep my hands to your expanding body. I feel everything. I notice everything. I appreciate more. I rub butters on my belly, singing you lullabies to anchor you earthside. I read your tiny board books aloud, full of words that transcend time; the stories of my childhood, shared. I imagine who you'll be, what your chubby fingers will feel like holding onto mine. Will you recognize my voice, in the earliest moments? Will we know one another, all at once, as if we were always meant to be? I gather blankets and swaddles to wrap you in. Buy bonnets to cover your head from the summer sun. Write notes to fill pages of your baby book. Fold onesies. I cannot believe your body will be, for a time, so small. I consider my hospital bag, knowing the treasures within will be your first sight and smell of me, whether or not you remember (I will always remember). When I close my eyes I try and try to imagine your journey to us and I am undone by the moments before and the lifetime after, where I look at you and you look back at me (I will always be undone). Your daddy plays piano and guitar, in the early evening, and in response, you move in me with such spirit and life. You dance a dance of innocence, hope, joy incarnate. As I carry you, I carry the promise of this hope; we will hold it together. I feel my love for your daddy deepen, somehow. I loved him before, so entirely, but I watch him now, falling in love with his fatherhood, with you, and my adoration grows and grows. I see him as the man who gives me everything, everything. Life, love, happiness, our babies, a soft place to land, a home. A home I feel lucky to bring you up in. Happy to my core. As the days blend together, in their closeness, I have never felt so close to heaven, so held in the very palm of holiness. Have never longed for anything like you, baby, thank you for being our miracle.
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